I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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