We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
