i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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