and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
