Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
