tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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