so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
