Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
