My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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