it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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