is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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