I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
