you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
