Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
