i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
