My room smells like vodka and shame
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
