meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
