i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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