She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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