I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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