I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let the clothes fall where they may.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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