I got chris browned last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im six kinds of drunk right now
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
