yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
