Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
