Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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