my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
