My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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