Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
