JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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