Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
