i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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