I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
