You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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