is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
