the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
