I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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