four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize