The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
