Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
