are you still at the devil's house?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
