i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
