maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
PANTIES FOUND
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