i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
