I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
