Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
