Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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