Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
