cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
