She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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