He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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