if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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