Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
