im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
