I can text with my tongue
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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