The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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