Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
