Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
