please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
