Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
