i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have fence marks all over my body
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize