she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
