don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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