I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
