I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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