I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize