Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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