If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
