These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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