Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
