The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
