sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize